Gottman-trained couples therapy that actually changes things.
Online sessions across Oregon. Practical, structured work for communication, recurring conflict, infidelity, intimacy, and the slow drift that some marriages have to find their way back from.
Request a free 15-min consultation →Structured work, not just better communication.
I work from the Gottman Method, which is the most rigorously researched couples therapy framework available. The work is structured, evidence-based, and oriented toward what actually changes a relationship.
Most couples therapy stays too long at the level of "communicate better." That advice is true and it's also not enough. The reason most couples can't communicate better is that there are unaddressed patterns underneath. We get to those.
Early sessions are about assessment. I want to understand the friendship layer of your relationship, the conflict layer, and what you each carry into the partnership from before. That mapping shapes everything that follows. The work is different for a couple with an active rupture than for a couple who's drifted, and the structure reflects that.
We work in three directions: the patterns (what cycles you keep landing in, why they're sticky), the individual material (what each of you brings that doesn't belong to the relationship), and the practical (specific tools you can use in the moment when the cycle starts).
A good portion of my couples practice is with gay couples and with couples navigating open or non-monogamous relationships. The shape of the work is the same: attachment, repair, the specific structure of how you two move through conflict. The particulars matter and I take them seriously.
Multi-modal, with attachment as the through-line.
Most couples therapy stays at the level of communication. The work that actually changes a relationship goes deeper, into attachment patterns and the individual material each partner brings.
Gottman is the structural backbone of how I work with couples. Attachment theory is the through-line that explains why the Gottman patterns matter. Most of what couples fight about isn't actually about the thing they're fighting about. It's about whether they feel met. We work both layers.
I also bring internal family systems and psychodynamic work when individual material is driving the cycle. Sometimes the most effective couples work involves a few individual sessions per partner alongside the joint work, to untangle what's your stuff vs. what's the relationship's stuff. I'll suggest that when it makes sense.
Eighteen years of practice has taught me that the couples who change are the ones who can tolerate seeing themselves clearly, not just their partner. The work is collaborative, structured, and honest. I'm not interested in keeping you in therapy forever. I'm interested in helping you build something you can maintain on your own.
Questions I get asked about couples therapy.
Will you side with one of us?
No. The structure of couples work is that I'm in service of the relationship, not either partner individually. We'll spend equal time hearing both of you. When I push back on something, I'll push back on both of you when it's warranted. The work isn't about who's right; it's about what's actually happening between you.What if we've already tried couples therapy and it didn't work?
Common. The most frequent reason couples therapy doesn't work is that it stays at the level of better communication without ever getting to the underlying patterns. We talk early about what you tried, what was missing, and what would have to be different this time. Not all couples therapy is alike. Most of the people I see have been around the block at least once.Do you do affair recovery?
Yes. Affairs are some of the harder work in couples therapy, and there's a specific structure to doing it well. The pace matters. The order of operations matters. Rushing to forgiveness without doing the work in between tends to leave the relationship in worse shape later, even if it feels better in the short term.What if my partner isn't sure they want couples therapy?
Most couples I see have one partner who's more invested than the other in starting. That's normal and workable. We can do a consult with just the ambivalent partner if that's useful. The first goal is figuring out whether this is the right frame, not pushing anyone into a process they're not ready for.Does insurance cover couples therapy in Oregon?
In my experience, yes. I've been billing the major Oregon carriers for couples work for years and I haven't had a claim denied for it. Insurance bills for couples therapy require a clinical diagnosis (depression, anxiety, adjustment disorder) for one of the partners; we'd talk through that side during the consult. The self-pay fee is $250 per session if you'd rather keep the work outside the insurance record.
Related work I do.
Family therapy
When the relationship work needs to include kids, parents, or extended family dynamics, family work is a different shape.
Read moreIndividual therapy
Sometimes the work that helps a relationship most is the work each partner does alone. I see individuals too.
Read moreMid-life therapy
A lot of couples therapy in your forties and fifties is really mid-life work being carried by the relationship.
Read more
Ready to talk it through? Let's see if we're a fit.
Send a message, or set up a free 15-minute phone consult. You can reach me by email, call, or text. I'll get back to you within two business days.