Structured relationship work that changes things.
Written by Gerry McNamara, LMFTLast reviewed May 2026
For couples and families, I work from a Gottman and attachment-informed framework. Gottman gives us the structural backbone — four decades of research on what makes relationships work and what doesn't. Attachment gives us the deeper lens for why it matters.
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Forty years of observational research on what actually predicts whether a relationship lasts, translated into a structured set of tools.
Most couples therapy stays too long at the level of "communicate better." That advice is true and it's also not enough. The Gottman framework comes from watching what real couples did across long research projects — and identifying the specific patterns that predict whether a relationship survives.
The structure gives us repeatable moves for the parts of relationship work that are hardest in real time: conflict that escalates faster than either partner can manage, repair that doesn't quite land, friendship that's eroded under years of small misses. Each of those has a Gottman intervention, matched to where the relationship is.
Early sessions are assessment-heavy. I want to understand the friendship layer of your relationship, the conflict layer, and what each of you carries into the partnership from before. That mapping shapes everything that follows.
The deeper layer the structure rests on.
Most couples fights aren't actually about the thing they're fighting about. They're about whether each partner feels met. Attachment explains why.
Attachment theory explains why the same conflict hits one partner as a 9 and the other as a 4 — and why neither one is wrong. The intensity comes from what each partner learned about closeness and distance long before this relationship started. We work both layers: the structural Gottman patterns and the attachment lens underneath them.
Sometimes the most effective couples work involves a few individual sessions alongside the joint work, to sort out what's each partner's personal material versus what's the relationship's material. I'll suggest that when it makes sense.
Questions I get asked about Gottman work.
What is the Gottman Method?
It's the most rigorously researched couples therapy framework available. Developed over four decades from observational studies of thousands of couples, the Gottman Institute identified the patterns that predict whether a relationship lasts and built a structured way to change the ones that erode connection. In practice, it gives us specific tools for repair, friendship-building, and managing conflict that some couples find genuinely unmanageable without the right structure.How does attachment fit in?
Attachment theory is the lens that explains why the Gottman patterns matter so much. The reason a particular fight feels existential, the reason a particular silence is unbearable, the reason certain repair attempts land and others don't — most of that traces back to how each partner learned to relate to closeness and distance early in life. Gottman gives us the structural moves; attachment tells us why they work.Is this only for couples?
Primarily couples, but the attachment-informed lens also runs through how I work with families and with individuals on relational patterns. For families, the Gottman work adapts into family-systems framing. For individuals, attachment shows up in how we make sense of recurring relationship patterns.What if we've tried couples therapy before and it didn't work?
Common. The most frequent reason couples therapy doesn't work is that it stays at the level of "communicate better" without ever getting to the patterns underneath. The Gottman framework specifically targets those patterns. We talk early about what you tried, what was missing, and what would have to be different this time. Not all couples therapy is alike.
Related work I do.
Couples therapy
The service page. Online couples therapy across Oregon, paced through the Gottman framework.
Read moreFamily therapy
The attachment lens runs through family work too. Family-systems oriented, with attention to each person in the room.
Read morePsychodynamic work
The depth half of how I work, including with individuals who are processing recurring relationship patterns.
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Ready to talk it through? Let's see if we're a fit.
Send a message, or set up a free 15-minute phone consult. You can reach me by email, call, or text. I'll get back to you within two business days.